Amazon.com never ceases to disappoint me. Seriously, you want crazy, wacky things to take away from your work day, check out Amazon.com. Amazing.
Today’s search: Halloween costumes.
I skipped all the obvious ones, you know the ones with penises all over them. They’re just well, soooo last year I guess. Although, I do have memories of a giant penis waking around my college campus with a ‘Free Hugs’ sign around his neck.
And I’m not going to get into the whole Halloween is just an excuse to dress sexy. We all know this and it doesn’t need to be run into the ground.
I did come across a lot of ‘let’s-make-fun-of-the-boner thing’. You know, the inappropriate priest and some kind of genie with his ‘lamp’ in front of his nether region. Nonetheless, it was a long genie lamp. Both were actual costumes.
Oh, and what is with the trend that has every other man dressed up as a woman?
Anyway, I digress.
Here are some I found that expresses laziness in creativity or just obvious costumes.
“Oh hey Jimmy, did you see what Robbie is?”
“No, not really”
“He’s an effing ‘sperm bank!”
“Oh man, he is such a genius! I like his hair too.”
The standard breathalyzer costume. I get it, you're being pulled over with a flashlight in your face that's burning out your retinas. And those wonderful words, “Ma’am I need you to step out of the car please.”
Wait, you want me to blow where? Oh, got it, thanks, you’re so funny. Maybe you should try those girls attempting to do shots off the carpet.
Okay, wait, what are you again? I’m so dumb, I forgot to actually read what you are. I apologize. Have you met Jimmy and Robbie?
“Hey man, guess what I’m gonna be for Halloween?”
“I don’t know Robbie, what?”
“A marijuana leaf!”
“Ah no way, that is so dope!”
Hello I’m desperate? That’s all I have to say, oh and why the question marks? We’re not Self confident? Not Creative? Obvious?
You are so much cooler because you have an actual fifty cent piece attached like a bullet proof vest. But why is there a baseball player’s face on the front of it? And your doo rag just makes me believe it that much more.
Oh!! Killer ‘bee’, not ‘B’. You’re so witty. And thanks for the ‘grime’ on your face. It helps with the “realness” of your costume. Were you the one taking shots off the 'carpet' earlier?
So did you just look in your rear view mirror one day and think “Perfect!?” Or was it just a hike through the forest that made your heart sing?
All pictures were actual costumes and are found on www.amazon.com.